my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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