She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize