The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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