Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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