he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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