Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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