I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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