Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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