His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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