Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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