Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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