one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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