pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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