these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize