you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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