either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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