nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We're too hungover to prance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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