I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
even my farts smell like vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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