First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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