Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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