and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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