I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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