i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You took a bar mat shot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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