I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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