I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize