It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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