is your mom at the bar?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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