why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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