What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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