idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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