Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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