What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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