Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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