dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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