hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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