My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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