New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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