i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just want nice things and good sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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