dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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