I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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