she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize