omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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