my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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