I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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