I can't watch pbs sober anymore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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