Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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