at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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