moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize