Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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