it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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